Alan Ayckbourn's Bedroom Farce, 22nd-24th March 2001

Pictures from the play

Trevor: I remember this one magical day when Jan and I, we went off together...
Nick: Look Trevor, you’ve got your shoes all over the eiderdown.
Trevor: Sorry. We went to the sea side. It was one of those perfect days...
Nick: Look Trevor...

Ernest: Well, now, what are we all chatting about?
Delia: Nothing. Nothing that need concern you, dear.
Ernest: Oh. On to — those things are we? Good health!
Susannah: We were talking about physical relationships.
Ernest: Oh were you? Jolly good.

Ernest: Anything wrong? I heard shouting.
Delia: Susannah had a little dream. That’s all dear. Nothing serious.
Ernest: Oh did she? For your information there is steam rising off my top blanket in there. Thought you might like to know. Good night.

Malcolm: ...I was sitting in the car, that’s all.
Kate: I’m glad you’ve come in.
Malcolm: Oh, yes. As soon as I saw you’d turfed Trevor out, I came back.
Kate: Oh. Well...

Jan: While I’ve got your attention...
Nick: Mmmm?
Jan: I want to tell you something.
Nick: I can hardly avoid listening.

Nick: Front door
Jan: Funny
Nick: Have a look
Jan: Right
Ernest: Looks suspiciously like Susannah
Delia: Oh Lord...
Jan: I think it’s Trevor
Nick: Oh no. Why me? Why me?

Delia: Where on earth have you been?
Ernest: I was just having a quick squint in the loft. Seeing if I could see any signs of water...
Delia: You’re filthy dirty.

Trevor: ...you get a situation of a totally outgoing - non - egotistical - giving - ness — a total submerging. You know.
Malcolm: Yes, yes.
Kate: Yes
Trevor: You feel yourself — being pushed under...
Malcolm: Yes
Kate: Yes
Trevor: As if on top of you were a great — a great...
Malcolm: Yes, yes.
Kate: Yes
Trevor: Heavy weight! God!

Malcolm: Now, calm down. Do you hear? Calm down, both of you. Calm down. That’s it!
Now, both of you, take a deep breath.

Susannah suddenly clouts Trevor with the table lamp!

Trevor: Hallo Suse.
Susannah: I thought I’d ring you.
Trevor: Yes.
Susannah: To say. I’m sorry. About this evening...
Trevor: No, it was me. I’m sorry.
Susannah: Well
Trevor: Yes, well

Nick: You bloody fool!
Trevor: Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Jan: All right, all right. Hold on, hold on.
Trevor: Sorry!

Nick: Was he...
Jan: Mm?
Nick: Was he — you know. Good?
Jan: Good?
Nick: In bed.........
Jan: Well, I’ll say this. He thinks he’s awfully good!

Susannah: I’ve been thinking. We must do something about our house... I haven’t been very good at that ... and I’ll try and cook ... and make sure you have clean clothes...
You know what I mean, don’t you? Trevor? Trevor? ......

Back to “Bedroom Farce”


Trevor: I remember this one magical day when Jan and I, we went off together... Nick: Look Trevor, you’ve got your shoes all over the eiderdown. Trevor: Sorry. We went to the sea side. It was one of those perfect days... Nick: Look Trevor...	Ernest: Well, now, what are we all chatting about? Delia: Nothing. Nothing that need concern you, dear. Ernest: Oh. On to — those things are we? Good health! Susannah: We were talking about physical relationships. Ernest: Oh were you? Jolly good.


Ernest: Anything wrong? I heard shouting. Delia: Susannah had a little dream. That’s all dear. Nothing serious. Ernest: Oh did she? For your information there is steam rising off my top blanket in there. Thought you might like to know. Good night.	Malcolm: ...I was sitting in the car, that’s all. Kate: I’m glad you’ve come in. Malcolm: Oh, yes. As soon as I saw you’d turfed Trevor out, I came back. Kate: Oh. Well...


Jan: While I’ve got your attention... Nick: Mmmm? Jan: I want to tell you something. Nick: I can hardly avoid listening.	Nick: Front door Jan: Funny Nick: Have a look Jan: Right Ernest: Looks suspiciously like Susannah Delia: Oh Lord... Jan: I think it’s Trevor Nick: Oh no. Why me? Why me?


Delia: Where on earth have you been? Ernest: I was just having a quick squint in the loft. Seeing if I could see any signs of water... Delia: You’re filthy dirty.	Trevor: ...you get a situation of a totally outgoing - non - egotistical - giving - ness — a total submerging. You know. Malcolm: Yes, yes. Kate: Yes Trevor: You feel yourself — being pushed under... Malcolm: Yes Kate: Yes Trevor: As if on top of you were a great — a great... Malcolm: Yes, yes. Kate: Yes Trevor: Heavy weight! God!


Malcolm: Now, calm down. Do you hear? Calm down, both of you. Calm down. That’s it! Now, both of you, take a deep breath. Susannah suddenly clouts Trevor with the table lamp!	Trevor: Hallo Suse. Susannah: I thought I’d ring you. Trevor: Yes. Susannah: To say. I’m sorry. About this evening... Trevor: No, it was me. I’m sorry. Susannah: Well Trevor: Yes, well


Nick: You bloody fool! Trevor: Sorry, sorry, sorry. Jan: All right, all right. Hold on, hold on. Trevor: Sorry!	Nick: Was he... Jan: Mm? Nick: Was he — you know. Good? Jan: Good? Nick: In bed......... Jan: Well, I’ll say this. He thinks he’s awfully good!